Someday

I've been trying to figure things out with God recently, I'm in this spot where few things make sense, and it frustrates me. I don't understand why God would allow me to experience this much pain, thus much frustration, thus much doubt about my entire life and even vocation. I re-discovered this song today and it's just so darn uplifting that it just boggles my mind. The lyrics are as follows:

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone

And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday

Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

We have doubts from time to time, through the ups and especially the downs it's not unusual to ask, "Is this for real? Am I doing this right?" The Divine Plan seems so obscure sometimes, so "out there" and not "in here." God throws us these curve-balls that mess with our perception that we, "have everything under control" or that everything is, "in hand." As soon as that happens, as soon as things stray even the slightest from what we we're anticipating and hoping for, immediately the doubt encroaches. Our peace is replaced with turmoil, our calm is shattered by anxiety, our trust in the goodness of Providence is abandoned and replaced with misgivings and second-guessing all of the minute details of circumstances. We try so hard to understand it all, to wrap our minds around why things happen and what we're supposed to do with it all.

We have this perception of "how things ought to be" and sometimes we're so damn convinced of it that everything else is just an abberation. We keep pressing ahead trying to march to the beat of "how things should be" and hold everything else inside instead of being honest with circumstances, with yourself and with your God. Maybe God shatters our perception of how things should be so that He can break us out of the box that we limit ourselves to. Maybe we'll understand it, maybe we won't, the ultimate question though is this: who gives a damn? If God is the God that we chock Him up to be, then why in the world would we want to break and bend our minds to understand all of the hidden designs within Providence? Perhaps we just need to cast aside our views, our little pictures of "how things should be," so that God can do something new and beyond our wildest imagination.

We're never satisfied, we always want to know, we always yearn to understand, maybe God just is saying, "Shut up and trust." What if we just let go? What if we dove whole-heartedly into the mystery of the Divine Author's script for our lives? What would happen if we accepted all the pain and heartache and even became thankful for it? If we throw our perceptions away, our plans, our designs then we can start all over and in that starting fresh we can shine light on everything around us. This life is a gift, it's an opportunity, it's an adventure. Our views are so small, our vision so limited, our intents so tainted. God may be calling us to just trust in His will, to stop trying to understand, and to appreciate the good things that He's already given us. Maybe someday, we'll figure all of this out, maybe we won't... but who cares?