Time

Girl: (Time together is never quite enough)

Boy: When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home

Girl: (What will it take to make or break this hint of love?)

We need time

Both: Only time

Girl: (When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?)

Boy: If this is what I call home, why do I feel so alone?

Girl: (So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?)

All the time

Both: All the time

 

 I love the song "The Saltwater Room" by Owl City, why? I'm not entirely sure. I suppose what it illuminates is the beginning of something that could potentially be a life-long love. That imagery, the beginnings of vulnerability, the start of a certain emotional nakedness is both terrifying and undeniably attractive at the same time. I think the lyrics really capture the exciting and scary moments of when two people are considering opening their hearts to each other and I suppose deep down that is truly all that I've ever wanted, someone to really open my heart to unfailingly. 

 Last night I went on a date, a real, legitimate date. The last time I was on a date like the one last night was probably four years ago. The question, "can this work?" the beginning of vulnerability, all the emotions and anxieties that coincide with going on a date was all there. It was a fantastic evening, conversation was good, the wine was delicious and after the first few minutes of wondering, "is this really happening?" wore off, it was what a date should be. Things eventually began to flow between us, and it seemed rather smooth aside from a few silent pauses between conversation topics. As the evening continued, we eventually became comfortable enough to discuss some things closer to the heart and it became clear to me throughout that exchange that it was not going to end up working out. She is an incredible, beautiful woman of God and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to spend an evening with her, but the simple fact was that I didn't feel like it was something either of us was interested in pursuing further. Ultimately, that's okay, because that is what a date is supposed to be, a way to gauge if things should be considered further.

  The date last night, however, leads me back to this song. The ultimate desire to offer the entirety of my heart to someone and enjoy the strained, sometimes awkward, beginning of a new love is still there. More than anything I want to be able to echo the words of Rob Bell when I'm with someone who has captivated my soul, "When I was with her, it was then that I realized that I would rather be there, with her, at that moment in time than anywhere else in the universe." I want to be able to say that spending time alone with the woman that has captivated my soul is like a little home-coming. Sometimes the best things in life though, just simply take time. I remember once in high school my good friend and mentor, Johnny, told me that there are two things that need to be present in order for a relationship to spark: mutual interest and impeccable timing. It seems that I've almost always missed one or both of those things. 

  Time needs to be present for a young love to truly grow. The exchange between the man and the woman in the song is so vulnerable: "What will it take to make or break this hint of love?" Time. Time for the relationship to develop, but also time needs to mature to the fullest in order to sometimes even take the first step. Another phenomenal song, "Tired of Waiting" have lyrics that go like this:

 "So we wait in this vineyard of precious time

Where the Master is all we'll need

He knew when to pick us off the vine

He'll know when to make our colors bleed together." 

  Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, maybe I'm just hopeless, but the fact of the matter is that my heart swells up when I sit down and think about how perfect the time will be when the person God wishes for me to be with appears. Perhaps I've already met her, maybe she's a good friend already, maybe she's only an acquaintance, but the simple fact of the matter is, time needs to be right. Is there someone I wish we could both just simply fall in love together? Yes, but, again, time is all that is needed. But, truly, if this is what I call home then why do I feel so alone?

Hold

"Love will hold us together,

Make us a shelter to weather the storm,

And I'll be my brother's keeper,

So the whole world will know that we're not alone"

This song, "Hold Us Together" by Matt Maher has just rocked my soul since the very first time I heard it. There's something about the idea that love and love alone is enough to hold everything together is so amazing. It reminds me of the gospels. Jesus says in Matthew's gospel, that the man who is wise will build his house upon rock and not sand. This idea connects very intimately with that parable. The parable says that the house built upon rock stood against floods, storms and winds. What is that rock foundation? What can we build the "houses" of our lives upon? The answer is obvious, the love of Christ. Sometimes I don't like being a theology major because there are times that my mind floats towards thinking about God and my relationship with Him in purely academic terms, but that is not the way that it is supposed to be!

George Macdonald, a brilliant writer who heavily influenced C.S. Lewis, wrote once about "God at the Door."  

Nor will God force any door to enter in. He may send a tempest about the house; the wind of His admonishment may burst doors and windows, yea, shake the house to its foundations; but not then, not so, will He enter. The door must be opened by the willing hand, ere the foot of Love will cross the threshold. He watches to see the door move from within. Every tempest is but an assault in the siege of Love. The terror of God is but the other side of His love; it is love outside that would be that would be inside--love that knows the house is no house, only a place, until it enter.

Holy cow. Our existence here, right now, we're building up the house of our lives. What will be our foundation? Are the houses of our lives strong enough to stand to the tempests? This all comes back to love, as so often it does in Christianity. This is not an abstract concept of love, the warm fuzzies, or whatever the heck we assign to love any more, this is the concrete reality of the Divine Love. The simple fact of the matter is this: God will not be satisfied until the house we have is built upon the firm foundation of His love. Indeed, God will send trials, tribulations and sufferings to us until we willingly open up the door of our hearts and allow Him to make of our hearts a loving shelter. If our hearts are already built upon that solid foundation, we have nothing to fear, but more often than not, I at least, allow myself to build my house upon sand.

The lyrics of the song continue on and say, "This is the first day of the rest of your life." To me, that idea signifies a meaningful change. This love is by its very nature transforming, there is absolutely no way that you can stay the same after the love of the living God has entered into your life. Jesus says in John's gospel, "I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly." This is what He's talking about, He's talking about radically entering into our daily experience and overpowering us with His overwhelming love. This is the love that holds the very thread of our lives together!

Deafness

"You called and You shouted,

Broke through my deafness,

Now I'm breathing in,

And breathing out,

I'm alive again."

This song by  Matt Maher, "Alive Again" has really touched my soul lately. It's been a long time since I've heard God's voice, I've been stuck in this strange place. I can't handle it any longer to be quite honest. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one that has brought this on myself or if God is removing His hand purposely to wake me up. Perhaps both? Regardless, I want to feel what it's like to be "alive again."