Depression

So, I think I've entered a major depressive state.

Someone get me some meds, please? hahahaha...


But seriously, I need some help.

Quit

I've decided something really exciting and terrifying all at once. This week, I'm putting in my resignation, and I'm getting the hell out of New Mexico, back to where there's some love for me, back to where I can see some beauty in the Church again. I drove to work today and was feeling this dark cloud hovering over me, once again (what else is new?). A few cars in front of me, I saw the most incredible thing, the license plate said plain as day, "Quit Job." I laughed and thought, "How strange, but today I'm feeling decent, despite my constant state of worry." Then, I walked in, and Rita proceeded to chew me out once more calling me a "dick" of all things. Then I knew, right then and there: the time has come for me to go. I'm tired of making myself a villain in my own mind, I'm tired of being shoved face-first into my own faults repeatedly over and over again, despite my best efforts to try and move forward, I'm tired of constantly feeling guilty for not, "measuring up." Guess what?

That's it, I'm forgiving myself, I'm not going to beat myself up any longer, I'm not going to allow the depressive triad to overwhelm me and break my spirit. This place is toxic, Rita has become the epicenter of all my self-doubt, and I'm fucking sick of it. The parish is a shell, a clanging cymbal, an empty sound from which no love comes. When my faith, my psychological health, and my very wellbeing comes into question, when there is no joy, no hope, no love, that serves as the ultimate sign. No more, not at all. Life is calling, and this time, I'm answering.