Mine

Everyone has their obsession,

Consuming thoughts consuming time,

They hold high their prized possession,

That defines the meaning of their life,

You are mine,

You are mine,

You are mine all mine,

You are mine

Today I was driving around and taking care of random tasks: signing my lease, taking a prescription to my aunt. During one part of my drive I was listening to this song and it's slowly continued to echo throughout my consciousness the entirety of the day. It got me thinking: what defines the meaning of my life? What is the prized possession that I hold high? The gut instinct as someone who is trying (granted, and failing) to live as a Christian is that thing is the cross, that defines the meaning of my life, the possession I hold high. What weight does that carry with it though? Is there something bigger to it? What is the other side of "you are mine?"

What mesmerizes our souls? Again, the gut reaction is to say the cliché, "God" or "the Church" or "the cross." What does that look like? Can we legitimately hold up the cross and say that is the thing that defines the very meaning of our lives? To hold up the cross as the meaning and driving force of our lives is to make a claim greater than the over-used "I'm a Christian." Holding up the cross as what defines our lives, our very existence, means also holding up all the hurt, the pain, the death of our lesser selves, the very blood of our Savior offered as recompense for our depravity. Can we hold that up sometimes and other times set it down when the road becomes too hard, too trying, too unsure? I don't think so. 

If I am to legitimately say, "the cross holds the meaning of my life" I must also be able to say, "I accept every aspect of the cross in each moment, each breath, of my life." Anything less is hypocrisy. I can think of other things that I've held up as the defining part of my life: work, school, relationships, family, friends, even mere prayer itself. Each of these things, while they may be good, do not require or expend as much from us if each is the one thing that may be the defining key to our lives. The cross by its very nature requires something more, it requires an entirety of all we are including each of those individual pieces, to be offered up, sacrificed, broken, and given. Can I say that the cross is what really defines my life? I don't know for sure, it's a very real, very heavy claim to make, I can only pray that one day God gives me the grace to truly say with all of my being that the cross is what defines me.

Soon

Something tells me I'm not getting younger,

As time blows by like the wind,

 In my chest my heart is beating faster,

As I wonder where and when,

Will she come, catch my eye?

Step into my life?

I don't know how it will be,

But here's my word tonight:

I will love you more than the ocean loves the rain

I will be your strength, even in the pain,

And our love will grow, every morning, night and noon,

But until then, I wait for someday soon

There's a lot of things I want to tell you,

About the future that's in store,

Raising a family we will pass our love to,

A new life, an open door.

I went to a beautiful wedding this past weekend, the bride and groom were just madly in love with each other, and emphatically throwing themselves towards each other in love. It was a fantastic, moving, breath taking event to be a part of. While I was there, I was once again face-to-face with the woman who has stolen my heart, despite my best effort to take it back. I looked into her eyes and once again was captivated, caught up in who she is. Her laugh, her smile, her humor, all of it just caught my mind and held it in her beauty. It was fantastic and devastating all at once, as I looked at this woman who has mesmerized my heart, I realized that there are some things that I just have to wait for.

Right before I left for the wedding, I discovered this song by Nathan Angelo, it is a fantastic, beautiful, simplistic picture of a man simply waiting for the love of his life. The lyrics resonate with the deepest parts of my soul in a very real, meaningful way. What can I say? What can I do? Would I sacrifice anything to be with her? Certainly, in a heart beat. Is anything going to happen any time soon? Probably not. All I know is this: patience and trust, that is all that I need.