Forward

"The one thing necessary is true interior and spiritual life, true growth, on my own, in depth, in a new direction. Whatever new direction God opens up for me. My job is to press forward, to grow interiorly, to pray, to break away from attachments and to defy fears, to grow in faith, which has its own solitude, to seek an entirely new perspective and new dimension in my life. To open up new horizons at any cost. To desire this and let the Holy Spirit take care of the rest. But really to desire this and work for it." -Thomas Merton

If we're not moving forward, we're falling back. This old adage neatly sums up the pursuit of Eternal Happiness. We never stay the same, we are ever-constantly pushing forward in this fight to love God, things are always new, this fact ties in nicely in what is revealed to us in Revelation 21:5, "Behold, I make all things new." Yet, there's this intrinsic paradox that comes along with all things being new. You would think that, since it is God Who makes all things new, we would be willing to listen, willing to push forward, because nothing else matters. Human experience proves something entirely different. When I'm faced with a new horizon or a new path that God has laid before me, often times, I am consumed with fear, entranced by doubt, filled with anxiety. This "new" that is before us, Merton says we are, "to press forward, to grow interiorly, to pray, to break away from attachments and to defy fears." 

Not only are we to simply push forward if God places something before us, we are supposed to actively seek out this new horizon and pursue it "at any cost." The idea of doing something new for God is all throughout scripture. In Isaiah 43, God says to His people, "see, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" The psalms proclaim that we are to, "sing to God a new song; skillfully play with joyful chant (Psalm 33:3)." St. Paul says that we "have put on the new self (Colossians 3:10)." The Lord Himself says through the prophet Ezekiel, "I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you (Ezekiel 36:26)." Yet despite all of these assurances from God that He is with is through the "new" whatever that "new" may be, we still fight it. We're afraid, because "new" means "different;" "new" means "uncomfortable;" "new" means "uncharted;" and even for some of us, "new" means "scary as hell." 

What does this all translate into? Ultimately, for me at least, it means that I need to learn how to trust in God more than I do. I will never be able to understand why God is always placing something "new" in front of me, but I am firmly convinced of the fact that I need to pursue that "new" whatever it may be, even if it is at the cost of my comfort, my security, my sense of belonging, my confidence even. We leave the fine tuning of the "new" to the hands of the Holy Spirit, but, it still needs to be done. Jesus was always challenging His disciples to something new, something different, something unfamiliar; could you imagine how different the world would be if the disciples had simply said, "No, I'm fine with where I'm at, where it's comfortable, where it's safe," to what Jesus was asking of them? How different the world would look. I mean, look at the story of St. Peter and Jesus on the water:

"Then he made the disciples get into the boat and precede him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After doing so, he went up to the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone. Meanwhile the boat, already a few miles offshore, was being tossed about by the waves, for the wind was against it. During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. 'It is a ghost,' they said, and they cried out in fear. At once [Jesus] spoke to them, 'Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.' Peter said to him in reply, 'Lord if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus stretched out his his hand and caught him, and said to him, 'O you of little faith, why did you doubt?' After they got into the boat, the wind died down." -Matthew 14:22-32

This passage is so chocked full of things to reflect on. In biblical times "the fourth watch of the night" was considered the darkest part of the night, the time when anything could happen, and was often the most terrifying. How often does God challenge us to do something new during our "fourth watch of the night" when things seem to be the darkest, when things are terrifying? Despite the dark, Peter still actively sought out doing something new. He called to Jesus and asked Him to call him out of the boat to walk on the water towards Him. As terrifying as it may have been, Peter still made the effort, Peter still stepped out of the boat. In the Bible, the phrase "Do not be afraid" appears 366 times, that's one for every single day of the year, even leap years. God is placing something new before you right now. Maybe this is a bright time of your life when the "new" doesn't appear to be that bad and you're looking for a change in pace. Maybe this is your "fourth watch of the night" when things are terrifying and nothing makes sense, but, God is calling you to something entirely "new." Whatever state you might be in, however small or big the "new" may be for you in your life, remember that He is there whispering into your ear, "Do not be afraid." Just remember that He is the One who "makes all things new."