Remedy

"More tortuous than all else is the human heart, beyond remedy; who can understand it? I, the LORD, alone probe the mind and test the heart, to reward everyone according to his ways, according to the merit of his deeds." –Jeremiah 17:9-10

A broken heart is a peculiar thing. Jeremiah really hits the nail on the head in this passage, when a heart hurts, who the heck can understand it? It is beyond remedy... but is it really?

I've recently found myself in this weird place in my life, I'm utterly confused about how I feel about relationships and if you were to ask me, "How do you feel about ______, do you think you could date her?" I would have to respond, "Well, come talk to me in another ten minutes and we'll see if I feel the same way I do right now." My heart has been hurting, there is no doubt about it, the one woman that I wanted to just pour all my time and effort into pursuing it just seems as if it simply isn't going to work. I don't even understand what is going on in my own heart, but... God does.

I'm trying to bring my soul to wrap itself around the idea that even though I don't completely understand what is going on even within my own heart, God does. He knows me better than I even know myself, which is just something that is completely and utterly beyond my understanding. This hurt, this confusion is all just something that doesn't phase God, He knows what is on my heart and why it is there and to what end it will reach. The thought of this is just too much for me. I've been getting caught up in the pain and heartache, but, I think I just need to center on the fact that I have a remedy, and His name is Jesus.

A good friend of mine recently suggested to me that I list off things that I'm appreciative for as a way to really re-connect with the good things that life does have to offer...

1. I'm glad that I have friends who are willing to listen to me complain and moan and even respond to my ludicrous objections when they are trying to help me.
2. I'm glad that I went to spring formal this past weekend and had an incredible time.
3. I'm glad that there is such a thing as music, especially music that touches my soul.
4. I'm glad that I had the experience of growing up where I did and that I gained role models like Jason and Mark.
5. I'm glad that God gave us coffee.
6. I'm glad that I know how to thumb my way around a bible and find verses when I need to.
7. I'm glad that Jesus is always present to me in the Eucharist.

Amen, life is good, thanks Melissa.