Here

Come to the waters, you who thirst and you'll thirst no more.
Come to the father, you who work and you'll work no more.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed:

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from
His hands, from his brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
Cuz love is here.

Come to the treasure, you who search and you'll search no more.
Come to the lover you who want and you'll want no more, no.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed,

Yeah:

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from his hands, from his brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.

Yeah

And to the bruised and fallen,
Captives, bound, and broken hearted.

He is the lord
He is the lord,
Yeah

By his stripes he's paid our ransom
From his wounds we drink salvation

He is the lord
He is the lord

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from his hands, from his brows.
Love is near,
It satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
Cuz love is here
Love is here.

I went to the Life Teen mass at St. Tim's tonight and it was... everything I needed. This song was sang during mass and the lyrics were just so powerful and really hit my heart where I was at, so I immediately came back home and found this song and bought it. When you read the lyrics you see that it's all about resting in the love of God.

Think about that for a second...

Resting in the love of God.

As I was praying along with the mass, something incredible hit me, what the song was proclaiming "Love is here, love is now" was truly what was happening. I mean, think about it, we read in 1 John 5:8, "God is love." He was there, He was present at that exact moment in time. It was my job as the Christian participating in the sacrifice of the mass to rest in God's love, His presence, His overwhelming mercy. What I love about the song is that it hits on the fact that sometimes I think as Christians we forget about, He is everything we need. Come to the water, we will thirst no more, come to the Father and we will work no more, come to the treasure, and we'll search no more. Nothing can top God. Period. He is everything we need, Love is here.

"The present moment is when time touches eternity." -C.S. Lewis

If Love is here, if Love is now, how does that change our perception of our lives? Each moment, God is with us, Love is with us, and He is most especially with is in the Eucharist. This love is supposed to overrun and overtake our lives. Why do we not rest in the love of our God? Why do we not just let go and... let God take a hold of our hearts? When we aren't entangled within this love, something is missing, we are the only creatures that need something outside of ourselves to complete ourselves. George MacDonald said once:

He that is made in the image of God must know Him or be desolate...Witness the dissatisfaction, yea, the desolation of my soul–wretched, alone, unfinished, without Him. It cannot act from itself, save in God; acting from what seems itself without God, is no action at all, it is a mere yielding to impulse. All within is disorder and spasm. There is a cry behind me, and a voice before; instincts of betterment tell me I must rise above my present self–perhaps even above all my possible self; I see not how to obey, how to carry them out! I am shut up in a world of consciousness, an unknown I in an unknown world: surely this world of my unwilled, unchosen, compelled existence, cannot be shut out from Him, cannot be unknown to Him, cannot be impenetrable, impermeable, unpresent to Him from whom I am?


We must know Him. We must know His love, we must rest in it because if not, everything will seem a pointless, scattered, chaotic mess. People don't let God in and wonder why things don't make sense and why everything hurts. We need to love, to rest in His Love. He alone satisfies. His love is here, His love is now, it's pouring from His hands and from His brow, it satisfies, will you trust and rest in His ocean of love?

Stand

The following message came to Jeremiah from the LORD:
Stand at the gate of the house of the LORD,
and there proclaim this message:
Hear the word of the LORD, all you of Judah
who enter these gates to worship the LORD!
Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel:
Reform your ways and your deeds,
so that I may remain with you in this place.
Put not your trust in the deceitful words:
“This is the temple of the LORD!
The temple of the LORD! The temple of the LORD!”
Only if you thoroughly reform your ways and your deeds;
if each of you deals justly with his neighbor;
if you no longer oppress the resident alien,
the orphan, and the widow;
if you no longer shed innocent blood in this place,
or follow strange gods to your own harm,
will I remain with you in this place,
in the land I gave your fathers long ago and forever.

But here you are, putting your trust in deceitful words to your own loss!
Are you to steal and murder, commit adultery and perjury,
burn incense to Baal,
go after strange gods that you know not,
and yet come to stand before me
in this house which bears my name, and say:
“We are safe; we can commit all these abominations again”?
Has this house which bears my name
become in your eyes a den of thieves?
I too see what is being done, says the LORD.

-Jeremiah 7:1-11

This was the reading from the Old Testament on Saturday when we had our mass at the end of summer retreat. Fr. Kevin Augustyne gave this incredible homily about this passage and it really struck a chord with me. He said that today, the Church is experiencing very much what Jeremiah was preaching against, saying in vain "the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord" and leaving it at that. The Church is dying for a renewal, the time has come, she's waiting. He went on to say that we who have been blessed with incredible education in the truth of the faith and have had incredible experiences like FOCUS or Totus Tuus or NET or Life Teen need to stand at the gates. We are obliged to be the ones to bring the renewal that the Church is dying for. There are too many Catholics who are just going through the motions, and it's time to renew what has been suffering for so long. Don't be afraid to stand at the gates and proclaim the truth, shake things up, be courageous, use words, do whatever is necessary to get the point across to those who have not had the opportunities that we have had.

Taken

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

This song, "Sweetly Broken" aptly describes my summer experience. Time after time this summer, God has chosen to break me and shatter me into pieces. This past week, I gave the introduction talk to the middle school and high schoolers and I had planned nothing at all for this talk, and I truly feel like the Holy Spirit took ahold of that talk and just used me as a tool. The thing that I remember from the talk was that I said something to the effect that we can choose to be clay in the hands of the potter and let Him form and fashion us, but, that comes at a price. I went on and talked about how Henri Nouwen notes that our lives are meant to be a mirror of the Eucharistic prayer. That is to say: we are taken, God has us here on earth for a reason, just like the bread is taken; we are blessed, God made us His own and poured out His blessings upon us at Baptism, just like the priest blesses the bread during the Eucharistic prayer; we are broken, God gives us trials and tribulations to break and shatter us, just like the priest breaks the Body of our Lord under the appearances of bread; we are given, it is in our brokenness that we can share ourselves with others and point them towards the saving truth of the Gospel, just like how the Eucharist is given only after it has been broken.

Throughout this summer, I've learned one thing for certain it is in being broken, we become more human. What I mean to say is, being shattered and humbled brings us to the truth of who we are: that is, "You are dirt, and to dirt you shall return (Genesis 3:19)." So in a way, being broken takes on a certain sweetness, when it is seen in this light. He is beckoning us to the cross, to humility. He is calling us because, "he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8)." There were times that I came face to face with the real fact that I am human and I am a fallen person who needs God's mercy and love every single day. Some mornings I woke up and simply prayed to God, "I simply cannot do this any more, God, I can't, what the hell am I doing here?" My limitations were laid out in very plain sight, not only to myself, but to the rest of my team as well. God has taken me and broken me this summer, however painful it may be, I know that ultimately it is sweet because it's becoming in touch with my failings and weaknesses that I can become more human. My brokenness advances my ability to give myself to others because God working in and through my brokenness might be enough to possibly touch someone's heart. The experiences I've gained through Totus Tuus have had a huge impact on me and this will surely be a summer that I will never forget, and I've come to thank God for making me... sweetly broken.

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Somewhere

I can't be
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

One thing that Totus Tuus has done is it has bent me in ways that I would never expected to be bent before. Not only do I have to deal with the trials and crosses of team life, but I also have to deal with the never-ending energy of grade schoolers. I put in around 14 hour days Monday through Friday and really only get a couple of solid afternoons off (Saturday and Sunday) which is barely enough to really re-energize me. Don't get me wrong, I love Totus Tuus, I think it's an excellent program that has a lot of great things going for it, but, it is very, very exhausting. However, I am in this weird state that I feel like I am truly "Somewhere in Between." What I mean by that is, I'm caught up between my loves and the things that I absolutely hate, I'm caught between the things that excite me and the things that bore me out of my mind.

So, there's this weird middle ground that I happen to find myself in right now. I'm spiritually, emotionally, and mentally exhausted, but I'm ready to give more when needed. The simple fact of the matter is, I have nothing left to give, and so a lot of my prayer has been recently like the bold part of the song:

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

I wonder if God will catch me if I fall out of what I've fallen into, because there are days that I just don't want to do what I've wrangled my way into for this summer, and I just want to say to the Lord, "Don't be surprised if I collapse down at Your feet again." This weird place, where "I don't want to run away from this" meets "I know that I just don't need this." I guess the glory of it all is that because I have nothing left to give, that's when God can step in and take things from there. Some of the most powerful experiences I've had so far this summer have been during times that I've felt completely spent and not able to give anything more, it's invigorating, but frustrating at the same time. My body aches most days, I never get enough sleep, and some of the children are undisciplined little brats... but... each passing day assures me of two things: I want to be a youth minister; and I want to be a husband and father. It's crazy, it's here, in this somewhere in between that God meets me and moves me and bends me in all manner of new and interesting directions.

Don't be surprised if I collapse down at Your feet again.

Learning

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

This past couple weeks I've had to go to two mountain parishes in a row. When you're over 7000 ft. up, you really do come to realize how important breathing is. The higher the elevation, the less oxygen there is to breathe, so the farther up the mountain you go, the harder and harder it becomes to breathe. I found myself gasping for air as we were driving from an elevation of 7415 ft to 8350 ft. As I was sitting in the back seat of the crammed '91 Toyota Corolla, this song came on the CD we were listening to. It all just kind of hit me at once how incredible these lyrics really are.

When you get higher up you really do have to teach yourself how to breathe again, so, in that sense, the farther up the mountain you are, you are learning to breathe. This posed a deep parallel to me. We often refer to our walk with God as "climbing the holy mountain" and the closer we get to the top, the harder it is to breathe, we have to learn to trust God all over again and just crawl. I just thought this was such a neat parallel, because, when you're in the mountains the skies are endless, and it is harder to breathe, and you get so wiped out so quickly you just want to crawl. This paradox is amazing, the closer we become to God, the more helpless we become, and yet, the more free we become as well, the skies become more abundant, and it's harder to breathe, but, it's so worth it.

Fatherhood

I went to the Sri's house for dinner tonight (that is, Dr. Sri) and I was just absolutely blown away, absolutely blown away by how incredible that family is. Their youngest son, Charlie, was absolutely one of the cutest children I have ever seen. He was so mild mannered, and his temperament was astounding for a 1 and a half year old. As I was watching Dr. Sri interact with his kids and saw the great love he had for them, I thought of what Dr. Rziha said in Christian Moral Life, "When discerning your vocation, you have to decide what option you are going to love more than the others, and you have to experience and look at all the options and see what you choose to love more." As great as this summer has been for me, I think the way that it's come to help me the most so far is that its put me in touch with some not-so-great families, and some rock-solid families that just amaze me. Also, as much as I love my teammates, this one teammate of mine (Tim) is a seminarian and he drives me crazy sometimes. So, as each passing host family comes and goes, and each trying encounter with Tim comes and goes, it helps to put into perspective what exactly is going on.

I do not think that the Lord is calling me to the priesthood, that's it. My heart yearns and aches whenever I'm in the presence of these incredible families and it just brings me back to when I first think God was really putting on my heart the idea of a family. Last summer, my good friend Amanda came out to Phoenix to spend a couple days with me, and we went over to my old youth minister's house. As we entered into the house, you could feel this overwhelming presence of love. The love between he and his wife was like the love between two best friends, watching and seeing how they interacted, you could tell that each married their best friend. Then, seeing the love that he has for his children just was so moving to me, it was the loving, but stern, father. Everytime I'm around that, my heart yearns for it, and I just can't imagine the idea of these desires being placed upon my heart for naught.

Loud

When we sing
Hear our songs to You
When we dance
Feel us move to You
When we laugh
Fill our smiles with You
When we lift our voices
Louder still
Can You hear us?
Can You feel?

We love You, Lord
We love You
We love You
We love You, Lord
We love You
We love You

When we sing loud
Hear our songs to You
When we dance ‘round
Feel us move to You
When we laugh aloud
Fill our smiles with You
When we lift our voices
Louder still
Can You hear us?
Can You feel?

And our love is big
Our love is loud
Fill this place (fill our lungs)
With this love now (to sing it now)

We lift our voices louder still
Our God is near
Our God is here

This song, "Our Love is Loud" by David Crowder is a staple for pretty much any praise and worship session anyone has ever been to, at least, it has been in my experience. The lines that catch me goes, "And our love is big, our love is loud" what does that really mean?

What if our love was big? What if our love was loud? How would our lives and the lives of those around us change? It's one thing to say that "we love You, Lord" in a praise and worship setting, but, does that attitude of praise and thanksgiving transmit to every part of our lives? Our love should be so loud that people have to pay attention, it is inclusive! They will know that we are Christians by our love, right? That love has to be loud. It has to, it has to be the one clear note to cut through all the static and mess of the world. Without our love being loud, what is it? Just another empty sound added to the endless cling and clatter. St. Paul said, "If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing symbol (1 Corinthians 13:1)." An empty sound! If our love is big, and our love is loud, then we need to fill this place with this love now. I have been so blessed to be able to partake in Totus Tuus because all that I've had to do, is just... love. Love the kids, love the parents, love the parishes, love the host families, love my teammates, love until I have nothing left to give... but... it's made my love loud. With a love this big, a love this loud, it's time to fill this place with this love now.