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Deliver me, out of the sadness

Deliver me, from all of the madness,

Deliver me, courage to guide me,

Deliver me, Your strength inside me

I've come to a place where I am just so incredibly weak. I feel so terribly and utterly exhausted: physically, emotionally and most especially spiritually. I preach the gospel to my teens but I feel like it doesn't reside in my heart sometimes. I skirt this line between being a man of faith and a man of iniquity. I just feel bankrupt, dried up and out of gas. I'm sitting here in my apartment at 2:30 in the morning considering all of the circumstances surrounding my life right now and I just feel overwhelmed by what I have to do, and underwhelmed by the good things God is doing in my life. I consider a few months ago when I was convinced that I had met the one person I wanted to give my heart to unreservedly and grow old with, despite only having known her for a few months, and I was so much happier then. Since then I've had my times of consolation, but right now I've found myself in an enormous rut, feeling expended beyond my limits and secretly wondering if this really is the best thing for me. The enemy has found a way to continue to prod and tear at me, and this thorn in my side seems like an insurmountable object, ever-constantly draining me, breaking me and leaving my soul in the dust.

It seems to have gotten to the point where all I can legitimately pray anymore is, "deliver me." When your heart is so heavy that you can't even seem to lift your head up to face the heavens, you begin to feel downtrodden. I feel like all I can do is cry into the dust saying, "deliver me, deliver me, deliver me," hoping and praying that He'll hear me. There is just so much sadness in trying to recover from the deep wound Ashley caused; there's so much madness in my workplace that I don't think I have had a chance to catch a breather in a while; my courage seems to have been depleted; all I want is His strength again. So here I sit: broken and engulfed in doubt; all I can do now is cry out, "deliver me."