Gone

I've been listening to a lot of Ray LaMontagne recently, there's something about his music that is just soothing to my soul and seems to breathe fresh life into me. I've had my ups and downs these past few months, and quite honestly I am rather angry with myself for not getting over things like I want to. As much as she hurt me, as much as she freaking took my heart and shoved it into the dirt, there is still a very real, very palpable portion of my being that simply wants to win her heart. What in the world is the matter with me? Why is it that I still toss and turn at night with thoughts of her haunting my consciousness? Why do I want to just scream over and over again until I can't even speak anymore? Is it wrong that I just want to cry my eyes out until they've dried up? What was so different about her that continues to bind my thoughts? I heard this song, I know this is so wrong, but this is so real, and I thought of all those things she told me she has a hard time with. All of those worries and anxieties, those little portions of her soul that she continued to worry wasn't "good enough," wasn't "presentable" to others and how those things, those were the things that I was so deeply attracted to. How real she was with me, how I could just hold her and all my worries and anxieties simply melted away. There's this part of me that wants her, but the thing is, I want to be with her, I don't want to simply be another "guy friend" that she so vehemently insisted she had an ample amount of. I just want to go to her affections and simply place myself out there saying, "Let it be Me."