Tension

"When we deny the spiritual dimension to our existence, we end up living like animals. And when we deny the physical, sexual dimension to our existence, we end up living like angels. And both ways are destructive, because God made us human...

But we were created to live in the tension. And when you lose the tension, you lose something central to what it means to be human." -Rob Bell, "Sex God"

I've been reading Rob Bell's book, "Sex God" which is chocked full of these insightful points of view, but as I was reading this one tonight I felt especially moved to reflect upon it. The chapter in which these statements are made point out the contrast between two extreme ways of living: as animals or as angels. The point that Rob is trying to make is that if we simply deny our souls that something deeper that resides within each and every one of us then we give in to living like animals. The opposite end of the spectrum is when we look at our humanity and our physicality like it's something dirty and something shameful, when one lives according to this world-view they live as angels.

The main point that he hits on that really struck me was this idea that there's this tension in being human, we've got our feet in two completely different realms: one the earthly and the temporal; the other the spiritual reality that stretches into eternity. What does that tension look like? How do we embrace it? More importantly, how does it affect our essences? There's a certain part of me that really connects with this idea of the tension, sometimes prayer seems like a tension between the circumstances that I have and the asking for them to be changed from on high. Relationships with family, friends, coworkers all have a certain tension to them, a balancing act of searching for what they physically need (i.e. words of affirmation, pursuit in a tangible form) and what they spiritually need (i.e. prayer for, prayer with).

This tension I think is hitting me especially hard in regards to pursuing this fantastic woman who has happened across my life's circumstances by some form of providence. The tension between being an animal (acting too much, making too many advances, pursuing things too aggressively) and being an angel (only praying about it, only sitting back and waiting on God's hand) is very real in this circumstance. I come from a history of being too angelic, trying to over-spiritualize these things. My overly analytic personality and lack of concrete experience all add to this tendency of my own. What does it look like for me to live in the tension in this? Where does that leave me? Ultimately I do not know, but what I have come to conclude is this: I cannot continue down the path of the safe, the path of the familiar. If this is to be different, then I must embrace the tension, I must place myself in the midst of this even if it is uncomfortable, even if it hurts. It's only going to be in embracing this tension that I'll be able to have a fully human relationship, now my only prayer is that she recognize this as well...