"Everyone's invincible,
But it's just pretend."
But it's just pretend."
Today God reminded me of my limitations in a real, physical way. I was offered the opportunity to climb the Sandia peak with several people, one of which happened to be the lady who's caught my attention. We maybe made it about 3 miles up this peak, and I simply hit a wall, my stomach felt nauseous, I was gasping for breath and I was reminded of my very limited physical capacity. While everyone else was ready to keep pushing ahead and fly up to the top of the peak, I had to stop, I had to turn around, and I had to go back down the mountain. My heart hurt, and since this experience I've been second-guessing myself all day. Ashley stopped and was walking with me for a while, super slow for her, and she just kept asking me, "Are you alright?" and eventually I had to laugh and say to her, "I guess now you've seen my limitations." She looked at me, smiled and said, "I didn't think you had any limitations," which I believe she tried to make sound uplifting, but at the time I could not accept it.
These ideas have been shooting around my head all afternoon, "Am I not good enough for her," "What did she think of my lack of physical prowess," and "I always knew this was what would keep me from being with someone." These thoughts echoed through my mind this afternoon, but then the other half of me was saying, "We all break the same," "No one is perfect," and "She couldn't be that shallow." Yet, it proved and showed me in some real way that I can't completely explain, that if I'm going to legitimately pursue this woman I need more than just my own natural dispositions and powers, but I need the hand of God to just strengthen my mind, heart and body. If I'm going to really pursue my vocation, in whatever capacity, then the devil is going to do all that he can to stop it, and I need to invite God to just be a part of this all, not in an over-spiritualized fashion, but as a general invitation to all of my life, not just most of it. My limitations are very real, they are very easily acknowledged, but the beauty is that we all break the same and God will meet us in the brokenness.
These ideas have been shooting around my head all afternoon, "Am I not good enough for her," "What did she think of my lack of physical prowess," and "I always knew this was what would keep me from being with someone." These thoughts echoed through my mind this afternoon, but then the other half of me was saying, "We all break the same," "No one is perfect," and "She couldn't be that shallow." Yet, it proved and showed me in some real way that I can't completely explain, that if I'm going to legitimately pursue this woman I need more than just my own natural dispositions and powers, but I need the hand of God to just strengthen my mind, heart and body. If I'm going to really pursue my vocation, in whatever capacity, then the devil is going to do all that he can to stop it, and I need to invite God to just be a part of this all, not in an over-spiritualized fashion, but as a general invitation to all of my life, not just most of it. My limitations are very real, they are very easily acknowledged, but the beauty is that we all break the same and God will meet us in the brokenness.
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