Roads

When I was a sophomore in college, this song was one of the songs I returned to repeatedly to help me make sense of the circumstances around me. That year was a year of a lot of growing pains for me, academically, socially, spiritually and even romantically. With all of these changes, I often found myself confused, doubtful and hurt more often than clear-sighted, certain and peaceful. Prayer was the foundation and cornerstone of everything that year, from discerning paper topics to questions about dating, everything, I placed in the hands of the Lord and eagerly awaited some response, some whisper from Him. Sometimes I would get a response, other times I would feel ignored. How could I truly know God's will? I wanted to follow it so vehemently, and yet I was always second-guessing my every move, my every decision. Yet, despite all of my muddled attempts at discovering a sure-fire way to discern God's will, it was that year that I came to realize something that changed my perspective on the way everything worked for good.

What is love? A topic as broad and as deep as love I'm not going to be able to claim to answer in a short blog post, but there are certain attributes to love that I do feel confident are integral to understanding what love truly is. In my Christian Moral Life class that year in college, we talked about virtues, grace, freedom and of course love. Dr. Rziha, our professor, continually pounded into our heads a few key phrases, "Knowledge leads to love which leads to unity," and, "love is making the needs and wants of the beloved your own." Simple enough, but infinitely difficult to truly master in practicality.

If you consider all things occurring in your life and you were to just take a snapshot, what would we see? Where does your love lead you? We are always following our loves, and the things we love are the things we know the best (knowledge leads to love which leads to unity). Which begs the question, how well do we really know God? That omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent Being that He is, can we truly know Him, and His will? Yes, we can, in knowing the Person, Jesus Christ, we come to truly know God Himself. He meets us in the ways our senses can understand, through the sacraments, especially through the sacrament of the Eucharist, where we truly touch and taste Him and become one with Him in His entirety. Love makes the wants and needs of the beloved their own, if we are to truly love God, how can we be sure we are doing God's will? Surely that would prove to God that we truly loved Him if we followed His will, so why does He hide it from us so well it seems? Things are not as complex as we sometimes like to make them out to be.

We have a tendency as good-intentioned Catholic Christians to get so caught up in this obtuse sense of "God's will" that we forget that God's will isn't the "out there" it's the "in here" the close, the tangible workings of day-to-day life. Every moment, God has placed you in any given situation to give you the opportunity to be the holiest you can be in that moment. God's will isn't distant, hidden because it's immediate, surrounding us. This is not a written excuse to do whatever we so desire, it's an invitation to make the wants and needs of God our own at every moment. What are His needs and wants? He lacks nothing, He needs nothing, He has it all. His only want, His only desire, is quite simply our happiness, our true happiness. Happiness can only be found in doing the good, the true good, and this world is so full of good.

So, how can we be assured that the roads we take in life are the true goods God desires for us? Consider this: do you think that any of your decisions can trump the Creator's plan for the unfolding of the universe and your life? We have a tendency to think of God's will in terms of a map with a certain line that must be followed, when, more often than not, if we are truly loving God, truly seeking Him (which in turn, frees us and makes us happy) then it's not really a line that must be followed, it's more like an open book with the author saying, "choose my beloved." That's what love does, it's reciprocal, we seek Him with our hearts and keep a simple love for Him as the main drive for everything we do, then no matter what we do, we are assured that it is part of His will. Thomas Merton expressed it best in his "prayer of abandonment."

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain
where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
and that I think I am following your will
does not mean I am actually doing so.

But I believe
the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire
in all I am doing.

I hope
I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.

I will trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear,
for you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

That's it. We may feel like sometimes we're going in blind, but ultimately, if love of God is our true guide and compass, all the roads lead back to Him. Love is making the needs and wants of the beloved your own, and quite simply, God's desire for us is to be happy with Him in heaven at the end of all things. Let love win in your life.