Doubt

My life is a series of questions currently. There's all this doubt and confusion about what it is exactly that God is leading me to and what it is that He would have me do. I was talking with Fr. Gerry today and the thing that he said to me was, "Don't let the question be the answer."

Don't let the question be the answer. What exactly does that mean?

I'm thinking about this and really reflecting on it and it just made sense, don't let these doubts and concerns really overrun my life and become too much for me to even grow closer to God. I mean, granted, I need to discern God's will for me, but when discerning His will takes up such a big portion of my soul that I can't even focus on growing closer to Him then what is the point? It's falling into the whole "Martha" bit instead of "Mary," but this is a whole new dimension to it. I've been listening to a lot of Matt Nathanson recently and he has this song, "Car Crash" where some of the lyrics have just really echoed what I think my heart is trying it's hardest to express, despite the confusion.

"I'm wide awake and so alive
Ringing like a bell
Tell me this is paradise
And not someplace I fell
'Cause I keep on fallin' down
I wanna feel the car crash
I wann feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, my heart stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright"

I want to let go and know that I'll be alright. I want to be able to just freaking let go and not worry about whatever pain may come and just know that I'll be alright, no matter what. THAT I'LL BE ALRIGHT NO MATTER WHAT! Love is a weird thing, every ounce of my being wants to be with her, but I want to let go, and be alright...alright.