I know I'm not the best youth minister in the world, in fact, I'm pretty damn far from it. I try my best, I pour my heart out time and time again, and sometimes it feels like nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares. All that seems to come up is, "John, you need to do this better," or, "John, people are saying this about you." When all you seem to be shown is how screwed up you are, it's hard to believe that you can be anything more than a giant failure.
There was this experience in college that I had that I'm a bit reluctant to write down because it was so intimate, so beautiful, so divine. After a day like today though, I need to be reminded how God crashes through the ordinary, even the heartache, and triumphs over it all. One night, Jordan, Andrew and I came back from our nightly trip to the adoration chapel. We huddled into my room and began to do our nightly recap of prayer as was custom. I put my itunes up and simply left it on shuffle. We talked about girl problems, discernment, the heartache of trying to please God but simply coming up short. We has just finished an exchange and this song came on...
We all stopped, and just listened. Caught up in the simplicity and beauty of the song. Sometimes in my life, like today, I come back to this song and reflect on that moment. Even though at the time I felt like everything was overwhelming and I was going to crash, I now look at that year as the fondest year in memory. When I begin to feel overwhelmed and tempted to believe I am the sum of my weaknesses and failures, I stop and listen to this song. I try to hit the pause button on everything in life. He pulled me through the storms in my life at that time. He will continue to pull me through, period. He wins, and I am His. He did not lead me out here to drown.
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