Doorway

I went to a concert this fall to see MUTEMATH, and this band opened for them called, "Civil Twilight." This song just took ahold of me and grabbed me from the very beginning. The lyrics are haunting, enticing and challenging all at once. What really continues to smack me across the face is the line, "Come in, I've never wanted anything like I want you." The challenge lies in the steps of invitation, the need to voice and put out point blank, "I want you." It's scary, and more often than not, the mere thought of it leaves us trembling. In any relationship there has to be a certain amount of vulnerability, a certain amount of wearing your heart on your sleeve and hoping to be loved as you are.

It is terrifying to be vulnerable, absolutely heart-wrenching to be honest. I consider all the opportunities I've passed over in my life because I was just too scared to be vulnerable, to put myself out there, to risk. Standing at the doorway, more often than not, my response is silence and drifting away rather than, "Come in, I've never wanted anything like I want you." There are a lot of issues at play in my heart when it comes to this but the overwhelming fear that just cripples me is, "I'm not good enough."

It leaves me with a simple, honest question, "would anybody ever come in to my heart, if I were to ask?"

I may never know.